Covid19 is educated, smart and very choosy
Based on Government announcements, we know that:
It won’t infect people at a wedding, unless there’s more than 50 people. And it also won’t infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there’s not more than 30 people. So not only can the virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.
This virus owns a watch and can tell time. It does spread in pubs & clubs, but only after 10pm and not before. So, it’s safe to go before 10pm and not after 10pm.
It also only infects if you’re in a group of more than 6, but not at weddings or funerals where it’s 50 and 30 people, obviously.
Masks do work, that’s why people will be fined for not wearing them, but not in pubs, because as already discovered, the virus doesn’t infect pub goers until after 10pm.
You can also safely remove your mask at a crowded eating place because the virus is polite and won’t attack when you are eating. But don’t remove your mask before your food is served, as the virus will attack if it sees you without a mask and not eating.
Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune coz the virus can’t afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.
Schools where kids gather in large groups are also immune as the virus doesn’t like learning. So you are safe without mask in the school, but those same large groups of kids can’t meet up outside of school coz the virus waits outside the school gates.
The elderly should be isolated and protected from the virus unless they are needed to babysit their grandchildren. So grandparents can’t see their grandkids socially as it’s not safe, but can babysit them coz the virus knows the difference between wanting to see grandkids because you love and miss them (which the virus hates) and having to see your grandkids out of obligation (which the virus is fine with).
The virus will definitely get at you at home too if you meet up with family and friends in a controlled environment, but not in a pub where you can meet up with those same family and friends in an environment you can’t control with many other strangers… well at least up to 10pm anyway.
The virus also sticks to specific postcodes, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others. And once you cross the border, the virus will not follow you.
The virus attacks those who do not queue for public transportation, so you see everyone practices social distancing and queue. But once inside the buses and commuter trains, then you are fine to be crowded because the virus hates travelling in crowded public vehicles.
But once you get off crowded public vehicles, then you are not safe again in private vehicles and cannot travel in the same car cause the virus doesn’t like those who are not from the same address travelling together in private cars.
Oh, and political gatherings are perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules. That’s because ministers set the rules, and the virus obeys them.
It’s OK not to quarantine if the minister says so and the virus will look for other victims.
Prisoners are fine to be crowded and since they are in prison, the virus doesn’t like criminals, so social distancing is not important for them.
And according to the latest government research, the virus respects festivals and needs a break too. Xmas & New Year will be perfectly safe, just like Navratri, Diwali & Thanksgiving have been.
Looking forward to the holidays!
(As received, from a very observant British.)